Money-video

Einstein-flight-video

You have not worked !!!-HR department

You have not worked !!!

All salary people must read this:-----

After 8 years of selfless service, I realized that I had not been promoted, no salary increment, no commendation.
So I decided to walk up to my HR Manager. The manager looked at me, smiled and asked me to sit down saying: "My friend you have not worked here for even a single day."

I was shocked to hear this !!!, but the manager went on to explain, and here's the conversation that took place.

Manager: How many days are there in a year?

Me: 365 days and sometimes 366.

Manager: Do u come to work on weekends?

Me: No sir.

Manager: How many days are there in a year that are weekends?

Me: 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days.

Manager: Thanks for that. If u remove 104 days from 366 days. how many days
do u now have?

Me: 262 days

Manager: How many hours make up a day?

Me: 24 Hours.

Manager: How long do u work in a day?

Me: 10am to 6pm
(i.e 8 hours a day.)

Manager: So, what fraction of the day do u work in hours?

Me: 8/24
i.e 1/3 (one third).

Manager: This is nice of u! what is 1/3rd of 262 days?

Me: 87
(1/3 x 262 = 87days)

Manager: I do give u 2 weeks sick leave, 15 days casual leave, 5 days optional leave, 30 days earned leave every year. Now remove that 64 days from the 87 days left. How many days do u have remaining?

Me: 23 days.

Manager: Do u work on festivals ? (20 days)

Me: No Sir!

Manager: Do u work on Republic Day?

Me: No sir!

Manager: Do u come to work on Independance Day?

Me: No sir!

Manager: So how many days r left?

Me: 1 day sir!

Manager: Do you come to work on New year's day..?

Me: No sir..!!

Manager: So how many days are left?

Me: None Sir!

Manager: So what r u claiming?

Me: I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that I was stealing company
money all these days.

Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!

(HR-HIGH RISK.)

Two wishes-Ostrich-Genie

Two wishes

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown Ostrich bird behind him. 

The waitress asks them for their orders. 

The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?' 

'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich. 

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment. 

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke' 

The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same' 

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. 

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 

'The usual?' asks the waitress. 

'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man. 

'Same,' says the ostrich. 

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.' 

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. 

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer.

"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?" 

Says the man, "Well, several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. 

The first wish I asked was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

The waitress said "That's brilliant! Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live. How smart of you!''

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact amount of money is always there" says the man proudly.

The waitress asks, "But, what's that ostrich all about?"

The man sighs, pauses and answers with a heavy heart, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who accompanies me wherever I go and agrees with everything I say".

MORAL OF THE STORY: Men's brains work brilliant until they start thinking about a woman!!

Accounts department.

Accounts department.

After the war with Ravana and Rama, 

Hanuman submitted his Travel Allowance Bill for his official tour for collecting Sanjeevani Booti to Ayodhya administration. 

The Auditor in Bill Section raised 3 objections : 

(1) Hanuman did not take prior permission of the appropriate authority (Bharat), the King of Ayodhya, during the relevant time for his travel

(2) Hanuman being Grade 2-officer was not entitled to air travel; 

(3) Hanuman was asked to bring Sanjeevani Booti, just a single plant, but he carried a whole mountain (unauthorized excess baggage). 

The Auditor returned the bill. King Ram could do nothing except mark it down for re-examination. 

A worried Hanuman approached the Auditor and offered a bribe of 20% of the T.A.Bill amount.

The Auditor now wrote on the Bill : 

Re-examined : 

1. Even during the relevant time, Ram was still the king through his Paduka.

2. Further in an emergency, non-entitled officers can be authorized ex-post facto to fly.

3. Also excess baggage is justified as bringing a wrong plant would have entailed multiple journeys with extra cost; hence bill may be paid.

Ram ji shocked !! 

That's Accounts department.

Impact of Job Change!!!

Impact of Job Change!!!

One day, A taxi passenger touched driver on his shoulder to ask something. Driver screamed, lost control of car, went up on footpath & stopped few inches from a shop. Passenger apologised & said: "I didn't realise that a little touch would scare u so much" Driver replied: Sorry it's not your fault, it's my 1st day as a cab driver, I've been driving a van carrying dead bodies from last 25 years.

Absolute Classic!

'Water Closet'.

'Water Closet'.

               

In the days when you couldn't

count on a public toilet facility, an English woman was planning a

trip to India. She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by the local Schoolmaster. 

She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC. 

In England, a bathroom is commonly called a WC which stands for 'Water Closet'. She wrote to the school master inquiring of the facilities about the WC. 

The school master was not fluent in English, so asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a 'Wayside Church' (WC) near the house; a bathroom never entered their minds.

So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply:

Dear Madam,

I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located just 9 miles from the house.

It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays.

As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly. There is, however, plenty of standing room.

It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC; as it was there, that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. We can take photos in different angles.

My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been

almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly. 

You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time. 

I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics (sense of hearing) are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere.

The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all, since many feel it is long needed.

I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all.

With deepest regards,

The Schoolmaster

The Woman never visited India

Killer joke

Killer joke

The Students of MBBS were attending their 1st Biochemistry Class. They all gathered around the Lab table with a Urine sample. The Professor dip His Finger in urine & tasted it in his own mouth.  

Then he asked the Students to do the same. The students hesitated for several minutes, but at last every one dipped their finger in urine sample & tasted it.... 

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them & said: The most important Quality is 'Observation'.  I dipped my MIDDLE Finger but tasted the INDEX Finger. Today you just Learn, "How to Pay Attention".  All Students shouted

Belief-Osho

Belief

A Bar Opened Opposite a Church!!!

The Church Prayed Daily against the bar business.

Days later the bar was struck by lightning & caught fire which destroyed it.

Bar Owner Sued the Church Authorities for the cause of its destruction, as it was an action because of their Prayer.

The Church Denied all Responsibility!!!

So, the judge commented,

"It's Difficult to Decide the Case because here we have a Bar Owner Who Believes in the Power of Prayer & an Entire Church that Doesn't Believe in it"

Pass word

Pass word

Interviewer - so what's your email ID?

Engnrng studnt - sir, abc@xyz.com

Interviewer - and password?

Engnrng studnt - 12345678

Interviewer - you shared such a confidential information so easily for the job. How can we trust that you will not share any confidential information of the company for some better offers?

Engineering student- Sir, I might have shared my password with you but I don't think you can still login to my email account. Let's look for the possibilities. My password can be

12345678

Or

Onetwothreefourfivesixseveneight

Or

1twothreefourfivesixseveneight

1twothreefourfivesixseven8….. so on

Or

2444666668888888 (one 2, three 4….)

13355557777778 (1, two 3, four 5……, 8)….. so on

Or

Combination of all of these…

By the way, did I mention use of capitals?

Interviewer  :your job confirmed!!!

State Secret|Humour

State Secret

During WW II, a man was arrested in London for calling Winston Churchill, the then PM of UK, a fool.

The next day in the House of Commons, the opposition members were ready to roast the government for this. "Are we living in a police state", they shouted, "Where we cannot call the PM a fool"?

Churchill's reply was truly disarming, “The man was not arrested for calling the Prime Minister a fool", he said, "but for letting out a State Secret at a time of war".

Thats the real sense of Humour...!!!

POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS SHOULD BE CHANGED OFTEN

POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS SHOULD BE CHANGED OFTEN

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. 

After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.

 The florist was pleased and left the shop. 

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'Thank You' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. 

Later, a grocer comes in for a haircut, and when he tried to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.

The grocer was happy and left the shop. 

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'Thank You' card and a bag of fresh vegetables waiting for him at his door.

Then a politician came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.

 The politician was very happy and left the shop. 

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, 

there were a dozen politicians lined up waiting for a free haircut. 

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it. 

REMEMBER: POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS SHOULD BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON.